1 00:00:02,045 --> 00:00:03,003 [WHISPERING] Mom. 2 00:00:05,309 --> 00:00:07,833 Mom. 3 00:00:09,357 --> 00:00:10,575 The President kissed me. 4 00:00:23,458 --> 00:00:24,502 GUILLERMO: Let's try this. 5 00:00:24,546 --> 00:00:27,070 What does this look like? Huh? 6 00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:29,768 Nandor's deprogramming is taking longer than we thought. 7 00:00:29,812 --> 00:00:33,642 Bat. Okay, let's try this. Who am I? 8 00:00:33,685 --> 00:00:36,993 [with accent]: "It's me, Nandor. The world's greatest vampire." 9 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,864 I'm you. 10 00:00:38,908 --> 00:00:40,214 [sighs] 11 00:00:40,257 --> 00:00:43,173 Okay, how about this? 12 00:00:43,217 --> 00:00:44,957 COLIN: Well, well, well. 13 00:00:45,001 --> 00:00:48,918 Seems like what we have here is a failure to communicate. 14 00:00:48,961 --> 00:00:53,836 The prisoner will be reminded not to try to bend these bars, 15 00:00:53,879 --> 00:00:57,666 - or he might just end up getting the prod. [scoffs] -[electrical crackling] 16 00:00:57,709 --> 00:00:59,450 [Colin laughs] 17 00:00:59,494 --> 00:01:01,844 It's, uh... it's, uh, getting hot. 18 00:01:01,887 --> 00:01:03,498 [chuckles]: It got hot. 19 00:01:03,541 --> 00:01:05,108 Can I have the-- Thank you, Nandor. 20 00:01:05,152 --> 00:01:06,240 NANDOR: So, it has come to this? 21 00:01:06,283 --> 00:01:09,025 My own friends imprisoning me 22 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,506 on the word of my own simpleminded familiar. 23 00:01:11,549 --> 00:01:13,508 - Bodyguard. - Familiar. - NADJA: Nandor, 24 00:01:13,551 --> 00:01:15,118 we are just trying to help you. 25 00:01:15,162 --> 00:01:17,642 I mean, look at you. You are clearly brainwashed. 26 00:01:17,686 --> 00:01:19,427 NANDOR: I am not brainwashed. 27 00:01:19,470 --> 00:01:22,647 For years I have single-handedly held this house together. 28 00:01:22,691 --> 00:01:24,084 -[scoffs] - You mock me. 29 00:01:24,127 --> 00:01:25,998 You disrespect me, you contradict me. 30 00:01:26,042 --> 00:01:27,609 Uh, no, we don't. 31 00:01:27,652 --> 00:01:29,001 Laszlo. 32 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,917 You are the laziest vampire I have ever had 33 00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:33,180 the misfortune of meeting. 34 00:01:33,223 --> 00:01:34,659 Thank you. 35 00:01:34,703 --> 00:01:36,487 Born with a silver dick in your mouth. 36 00:01:36,531 --> 00:01:39,360 - Huh. - Never even lifted a hand to help me in this house. 37 00:01:39,403 --> 00:01:41,579 - Nope. - Because they were both too occupied 38 00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:43,494 giving constant self-pleasure. 39 00:01:43,538 --> 00:01:46,497 Nadja, you openly laugh and mock me 40 00:01:46,541 --> 00:01:48,369 for my romantic tribulations. 41 00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:51,111 -[stifled laugh] - Which are a cause of great pain for me. 42 00:01:51,154 --> 00:01:54,331 And when it comes to matters of the Vampiric Council, 43 00:01:54,375 --> 00:01:56,464 when I say to do A, 44 00:01:56,507 --> 00:01:58,466 it is guaranteed that you will say, "Do B." 45 00:01:58,509 --> 00:02:00,337 Uh, do me next. This is fun. 46 00:02:00,381 --> 00:02:01,860 I would not even remember your name 47 00:02:01,904 --> 00:02:03,471 if it was not written on a piece of paper 48 00:02:03,514 --> 00:02:04,907 that I keep in my pocket at all times. 49 00:02:04,950 --> 00:02:07,823 - Shit, Nandor. That's low. - Yeah. 50 00:02:07,866 --> 00:02:10,042 That wasn't as fun as I thought it might be. 51 00:02:10,086 --> 00:02:11,392 And you! 52 00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:14,699 I finally find a place where I am happy. 53 00:02:14,743 --> 00:02:18,529 You drag me away from my new life back into this hell. 54 00:02:18,573 --> 00:02:20,140 I'm sorry, Master. 55 00:02:20,183 --> 00:02:23,534 I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, 56 00:02:23,578 --> 00:02:26,798 which is why I've decided there is only one solution. 57 00:02:26,842 --> 00:02:30,106 It is time... 58 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,195 for me to take a Super Slumber. 59 00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:35,503 - No, no, no, no. That's-- No. -[gasping] Oh, it can't be. 60 00:02:35,546 --> 00:02:37,418 - That's a terrible idea. - What's happening? 61 00:02:37,461 --> 00:02:39,507 What's happening? 62 00:02:39,550 --> 00:02:41,683 ["You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing] 63 00:02:41,726 --> 00:02:44,207 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long♪ 64 00:02:44,251 --> 00:02:46,688 ♪ They have no use for your song♪ 65 00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:49,343 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead♪ 66 00:02:49,386 --> 00:02:52,259 ♪ You're dead and out of this world♪ 67 00:02:53,825 --> 00:02:56,872 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone♪ 68 00:02:56,915 --> 00:02:59,614 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world♪ 69 00:02:59,657 --> 00:03:01,964 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead♪ 70 00:03:02,007 --> 00:03:04,619 ♪ You're dead and out of this world.♪ 71 00:03:04,662 --> 00:03:06,360 ♪ 72 00:03:14,237 --> 00:03:16,457 A Super Slumber is an act performed 73 00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:18,763 by the most desperate of vampire. 74 00:03:18,807 --> 00:03:21,201 It is basically a vampire hibernation. 75 00:03:21,244 --> 00:03:24,378 It is performed when times are particularly hard for vampires. 76 00:03:24,421 --> 00:03:27,207 A way of sitting out a bad epoch in history. 77 00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:29,252 The Super Slumber consists of a vampire 78 00:03:29,296 --> 00:03:32,603 -[snoring] - sleeping for either 50 years, 100 years, 79 00:03:32,647 --> 00:03:34,170 or worst-case scenario, 80 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:36,346 up to 300 years. 81 00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:38,261 It is a choice worse than death. 82 00:03:38,305 --> 00:03:40,568 Those who enter Super Slumber fall 83 00:03:40,611 --> 00:03:43,179 into a dark, dreamless existence. 84 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:47,705 When they wake, they are weak, pathetic, empty, 85 00:03:47,749 --> 00:03:50,491 - starved nothings. - And every human being they knew is dead, 86 00:03:50,534 --> 00:03:53,407 and every vampire they knew is scattered to the four winds 87 00:03:53,450 --> 00:03:55,539 and started a new life without them. 88 00:03:55,583 --> 00:03:59,674 It really is the most desperate measure for any vampire. 89 00:03:59,717 --> 00:04:02,503 And it must be respected. 90 00:04:02,546 --> 00:04:04,592 [sobbing softly] 91 00:04:09,988 --> 00:04:12,904 I wish it had not come to this, but it has. 92 00:04:12,948 --> 00:04:15,603 Perhaps we will see each other again. 93 00:04:15,646 --> 00:04:17,257 But probably not. 94 00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,215 [crying softly] 95 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:20,869 - Nandor, if I may? - Yes. 96 00:04:20,912 --> 00:04:22,218 [clearing throat] 97 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,525 [sobbing]: "Nandor the Relentless, 98 00:04:24,568 --> 00:04:26,396 "I have enjoyed our time together 99 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:29,921 - at the Vampiric Council where we have achieved so much." - Mm. 100 00:04:29,965 --> 00:04:32,794 [normal voice]: Because together we get it done. 101 00:04:32,837 --> 00:04:35,623 [sobbing]: "May this Super Slumber ease your pain, 102 00:04:35,666 --> 00:04:37,146 "and may you awaken to a world 103 00:04:37,189 --> 00:04:39,366 that is kinder to you than we have been." 104 00:04:39,409 --> 00:04:40,889 Thank you, Nadja. 105 00:04:40,932 --> 00:04:43,544 - I, too, have written something. - NANDOR: Yes. 106 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,287 "Nan." 107 00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:49,114 - That's it. -[Nadja scoffs softly] 108 00:04:49,158 --> 00:04:50,899 Sorry, old chap, I thought I'd written more, but I haven't. 109 00:04:50,942 --> 00:04:54,511 -[Colin crying] - Thank you for that kind word. 110 00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:56,644 There, there, Colin Robinson. 111 00:04:56,687 --> 00:04:58,820 Let not my departure upset you. 112 00:04:58,863 --> 00:05:01,257 No, it's not that. It's just... 113 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:04,956 I can't help but think that you're doing this 114 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:09,352 to get out of coming to my 100th birthday party tonight. 115 00:05:09,396 --> 00:05:11,006 [crying] 116 00:05:11,049 --> 00:05:13,922 I did not even know that it was your birthday today. 117 00:05:13,965 --> 00:05:16,098 And that's another reason I'm crying! 118 00:05:16,141 --> 00:05:18,274 Okay, well... 119 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:21,016 kind of thought this moment was gonna be a bit more about me, 120 00:05:21,059 --> 00:05:23,366 but, uh, anyway, thank you all. 121 00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:26,282 And now, I bid you all farewell. 122 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:30,025 -[crying]: Oh, farewell. - Farewell. Farewell. 123 00:05:30,068 --> 00:05:32,419 And... [sniffles] 124 00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:34,159 Don't film us like this. 125 00:05:34,203 --> 00:05:35,465 [normal voice]: Colin, come on. 126 00:05:35,509 --> 00:05:36,727 -[crying resumes] - Eat shit. 127 00:05:36,771 --> 00:05:39,295 [sighs]: Aye. Thank you. 128 00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:43,908 Let go of my hand! 129 00:05:43,952 --> 00:05:45,693 [groans] 130 00:05:47,129 --> 00:05:48,957 I wish you weren't doing this, Master. 131 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,176 [sighs] 132 00:05:51,220 --> 00:05:53,091 My dear Guillermo. 133 00:05:53,135 --> 00:05:54,876 You will miss me. 134 00:05:54,919 --> 00:05:56,747 Close the lid. 135 00:05:56,791 --> 00:05:59,097 [sighs deeply] 136 00:05:59,141 --> 00:06:01,186 ♪ 137 00:06:05,495 --> 00:06:07,715 [creaking] 138 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,162 Please, guys. 139 00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:21,816 Does everything have to be on camera? 140 00:06:21,859 --> 00:06:23,774 Just-- can you please just give me like a minute? 141 00:06:23,818 --> 00:06:25,950 Just please. 142 00:06:25,994 --> 00:06:28,039 [banging] 143 00:06:39,834 --> 00:06:42,445 [bell tolling] 144 00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:44,926 Well... 145 00:06:44,969 --> 00:06:46,841 what's done is done. 146 00:06:48,973 --> 00:06:50,279 [coughing] 147 00:06:50,322 --> 00:06:52,847 [groans] I come bearing news. 148 00:06:52,890 --> 00:06:55,458 Why can't you use a fucking door like anyone else? 149 00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:57,721 What's the point of being able to turn into smoke 150 00:06:57,765 --> 00:06:59,767 if you're just going to go around using doors? 151 00:06:59,810 --> 00:07:01,812 - What is your news? -[clearing throat] 152 00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:05,947 "The Supreme Worldwide Vampiric Council 153 00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:08,602 "has invited you to receive 154 00:07:08,645 --> 00:07:10,473 "a delegation from the Old World... 155 00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:12,867 -[laughs] -"...here at your home, 156 00:07:12,910 --> 00:07:15,086 "with the intent of inspecting 157 00:07:15,130 --> 00:07:18,568 the progress you've made thus far in running the council." 158 00:07:18,612 --> 00:07:21,397 LASZLO: This is a huge honor for us, 159 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,834 but like all huge honors, it's a pain in the nutsack. 160 00:07:23,878 --> 00:07:25,836 - But a huge honor all the same. - Yes. 161 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,578 I have always dreamed of meeting someone important. 162 00:07:28,622 --> 00:07:30,667 No one important ever came to our village. 163 00:07:30,711 --> 00:07:33,278 There was one time that the rubbish man came 164 00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:36,194 to collect all the shit, and he assigned, uh, 165 00:07:36,238 --> 00:07:39,546 pieces of rubbish for the children and autographed it. 166 00:07:39,589 --> 00:07:41,156 We danced for the next three months, 167 00:07:41,199 --> 00:07:43,114 so you can imagine this is just... 168 00:07:43,158 --> 00:07:45,639 Wow! Very exciting for me. 169 00:07:45,682 --> 00:07:47,728 And when will this delegation be arriving? 170 00:07:47,771 --> 00:07:49,904 Let's see, on the night of... 171 00:07:49,947 --> 00:07:51,122 tonight. 172 00:07:51,166 --> 00:07:53,298 - What? - At the hour of 8:30. 173 00:07:53,342 --> 00:07:54,822 8:30 tonight? 174 00:07:54,865 --> 00:07:56,301 - Mm-hmm. - NADJA: This is all very, very soon. 175 00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:57,868 Maybe they could come tomorrow night, 176 00:07:57,912 --> 00:07:59,566 and then we could really lay on a really... 177 00:07:59,609 --> 00:08:01,829 The Supreme Worldwide Vampiric Council 178 00:08:01,872 --> 00:08:04,048 does not shift things around in their book! 179 00:08:04,092 --> 00:08:06,486 All right, all right. Keep your hair on. 180 00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:08,531 I've already arranged for some local vampires to come round 181 00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:10,098 for Colin Robinson's birthday. 182 00:08:10,141 --> 00:08:12,143 The more the merrier. 183 00:08:12,187 --> 00:08:15,712 - Wait. I-I have to share my birthday party with a... - NADJA: Yes! 184 00:08:15,756 --> 00:08:17,540 You're lucky to have a birthday party! 185 00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:21,196 It's true. And now, you and Nandor should prepare 186 00:08:21,239 --> 00:08:23,894 some remarks about running the council together. 187 00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:25,243 - They're very intrigued. - GUILLERMO: Well, the thing is... 188 00:08:25,287 --> 00:08:26,810 [Nadja stammers] 189 00:08:26,854 --> 00:08:29,944 - 8:30 is perfect, thank you. - GUIDE: Wonderful. 190 00:08:30,945 --> 00:08:32,599 [others coughing] 191 00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:34,078 Geez Louise. 192 00:08:34,122 --> 00:08:36,037 - Ideas? - I should wake him up? 193 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:37,299 - We'll just wake him up. - GUILLERMO: I should wake him up. 194 00:08:37,342 --> 00:08:38,953 - Wake him up. - Okay. 195 00:08:38,996 --> 00:08:41,303 ♪ 196 00:08:42,913 --> 00:08:44,567 Master? 197 00:08:44,611 --> 00:08:46,003 Master, I'm sorry. 198 00:08:46,047 --> 00:08:47,701 Master? 199 00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:49,354 NANDOR: Who is there, and what is going on? 200 00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:51,095 Sorry, it's me, Guillermo. Sorry. 201 00:08:51,139 --> 00:08:52,401 [creaking] 202 00:08:54,055 --> 00:08:56,144 [yawning] 203 00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:57,406 Wow. 204 00:08:57,449 --> 00:09:00,931 800 years really went by so fast. 205 00:09:00,975 --> 00:09:02,759 - Well, that's because technically... - Oh. 206 00:09:02,803 --> 00:09:05,545 Guillermo, you look awful. 207 00:09:05,588 --> 00:09:08,460 - Okay. - The ravages of time have not been kind to you 208 00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:10,767 and your formerly boyish face. 209 00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:12,856 Okay, well, it's because it-- not a lot of time has gone... 210 00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:15,337 - Tell me. - You've been asleep for 30 minutes. 211 00:09:15,380 --> 00:09:17,513 Then why are you waking me up?! 212 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,864 This is not an emergency at all. 213 00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:22,344 But we have told everyone 214 00:09:22,387 --> 00:09:24,346 that we are coleaders of the council. 215 00:09:24,389 --> 00:09:26,478 Fine. I hereby relinquish my control. 216 00:09:26,522 --> 00:09:28,219 You are now sole leader. 217 00:09:28,263 --> 00:09:30,265 Congratulations, long live the Queen. 218 00:09:30,308 --> 00:09:32,354 - Good night forever. - But the delegation is going to think... 219 00:09:32,397 --> 00:09:33,747 - Nandor, come back. Come back. -[groans] What? 220 00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:35,966 Why don't you just delay your Super Slumber 221 00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:37,446 a couple of days? 222 00:09:37,489 --> 00:09:39,317 You wouldn't miss Colin Robinson's birthday. 223 00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:41,189 - Why do you have such a cock up... - Why would I give 224 00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:43,495 - a flying fuck about that? -...for Colin Robinson's birthday? 225 00:09:43,539 --> 00:09:46,498 Just inform the delegation that I was a threat to power, 226 00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:47,978 so you killed me. 227 00:09:48,022 --> 00:09:50,198 You rule without mercy, remember? 228 00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:53,636 - They love that shit. - That would be a humiliating end for you. 229 00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,464 Who cares? Not me. 230 00:09:55,507 --> 00:09:57,771 So, good night, forever. 231 00:09:57,814 --> 00:10:00,251 See you in 100 years, probably not. 232 00:10:03,124 --> 00:10:04,473 Master, I really wish you weren't doing this. 233 00:10:04,516 --> 00:10:06,214 Again with the "make me a vampire" shit? 234 00:10:06,257 --> 00:10:08,738 No. No, no, I don't even care about that anymore. 235 00:10:08,782 --> 00:10:11,001 - I just... I don't want you to go. -[groans] 236 00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:13,569 So just stick around for the next 100 years, 237 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,266 and we'll be together again when I wake up. 238 00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:18,443 I'll be 130 years old, aka dead. 239 00:10:18,487 --> 00:10:19,880 You don't know that. 240 00:10:19,923 --> 00:10:21,403 So maybe you should spend the next 100 years 241 00:10:21,446 --> 00:10:23,797 practicing to be less of a pessimist. 242 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:26,190 - I'm closing the lid now, thank you. - No, w... 243 00:10:31,065 --> 00:10:32,283 [loud banging] 244 00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:37,985 - NANDOR: Guillermo! - Sorry. 245 00:10:38,028 --> 00:10:40,465 Just boarding your door. 246 00:10:41,466 --> 00:10:43,512 [neighing] 247 00:10:47,168 --> 00:10:50,258 Guillermo, what time is it, and where is Colin Robinson? 248 00:10:50,301 --> 00:10:52,260 - 8:28. -[Nadja groans] 249 00:10:52,303 --> 00:10:53,522 And he's on his way. 250 00:10:53,565 --> 00:10:55,480 Shit, you haven't signed his card. 251 00:10:55,524 --> 00:10:58,222 [microchip version of "The Hamster Dance Song" plays] 252 00:10:59,223 --> 00:11:01,225 That's Colin Robinson's favorite song. 253 00:11:02,270 --> 00:11:03,924 - Oh. - Oh, good. 254 00:11:03,967 --> 00:11:06,056 You guys added "The Hamster Dance" to the playlist. 255 00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:08,189 -[laughing nervously] - I-I want to make sure you gather around me 256 00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:10,887 in a circle when I do the Humpty Hump. 257 00:11:10,931 --> 00:11:11,932 You betcha. 258 00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:13,629 -[groans] -[doorbell rings] 259 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,849 Oh, they're here! Everyone line up. Positions. 260 00:11:15,892 --> 00:11:17,372 [Guide clearing throat] 261 00:11:17,415 --> 00:11:18,634 [Guillermo clearing throat] 262 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:21,245 The Contessa Carmilla De Mornay. 263 00:11:21,289 --> 00:11:22,943 GUIDE: This is Contessa Carmilla De Mornay. 264 00:11:22,986 --> 00:11:24,901 She's 1,000 years old, possibly did it with a horse. 265 00:11:24,945 --> 00:11:28,165 [snickers] Contessa, it is such an honor. 266 00:11:28,209 --> 00:11:30,080 The pleasure is mine. 267 00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:31,560 Please, if you make your way upstairs, 268 00:11:31,603 --> 00:11:32,866 your blood banquet awaits you. 269 00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:34,737 - Oh! Thank you. -[clearing throat] 270 00:11:34,781 --> 00:11:37,044 Dominykas The Dreadful. 271 00:11:37,087 --> 00:11:39,176 GUIDE: This is Dominykas The Dreadful. 272 00:11:39,220 --> 00:11:40,700 It is said that he started the fire 273 00:11:40,743 --> 00:11:43,311 that burned down the great Library of Alexandria. 274 00:11:43,354 --> 00:11:45,835 - Well, me and another guy. -[laughing] 275 00:11:45,879 --> 00:11:50,840 Dominykas The Dreadful's human lady friend, Coco. 276 00:11:50,884 --> 00:11:52,059 - NADJA: What? - LASZLO: What? 277 00:11:52,102 --> 00:11:53,538 Okay, uh, so this is... 278 00:11:53,582 --> 00:11:55,410 My companion. 279 00:11:55,453 --> 00:11:57,412 - Partner. - Girlfriend. 280 00:11:57,455 --> 00:11:58,805 [chuckles] She keeps me young. 281 00:11:58,848 --> 00:12:00,807 Yeah, we're engaged to be engaged. 282 00:12:00,850 --> 00:12:02,765 I don't want to put a label on what we have, 283 00:12:02,809 --> 00:12:05,202 - which really is so special. - Welcome. If you head upstairs, 284 00:12:05,246 --> 00:12:06,987 the blood banquet does await. 285 00:12:07,030 --> 00:12:08,640 GUIDE: You know he's not going to die. 286 00:12:08,684 --> 00:12:10,642 You're not going to get his money. 287 00:12:10,686 --> 00:12:12,383 -[overlapping chatter] - I'm gonna do the Humpty Hump later. 288 00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:15,386 NADJA: [gasps] This gentleman needs no introduction. 289 00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:16,953 He's very well-known to me. 290 00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:20,130 This is Quinn, the great vampire. 291 00:12:20,174 --> 00:12:22,872 Right-hand man of Deacon Frost of the House Erebus. 292 00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:24,787 Just a role I played. Donal Logue. 293 00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:26,267 - So nice to meet you. - Wait, so Donal Logue is 294 00:12:26,310 --> 00:12:28,530 - on the Worldwide Vampiric Council? - Yeah. 295 00:12:28,573 --> 00:12:30,097 I kind of got jumped in after Blade came out. 296 00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:31,838 But you are a vampire, yes? 297 00:12:31,881 --> 00:12:33,883 Yes. Kind of a funny story. 298 00:12:33,927 --> 00:12:36,407 I was not a vampire when I filmed Blade, 299 00:12:36,451 --> 00:12:37,974 but it was such a fun shoot 300 00:12:38,018 --> 00:12:39,628 and I sort of fell in love with the lifestyle, 301 00:12:39,671 --> 00:12:42,196 so I decided to jump in and go whole hog. 302 00:12:42,239 --> 00:12:43,545 -[laughter] - Donal. 303 00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:44,851 [overlapping chatter] 304 00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:46,504 NADJA: Please, head upstairs, everyone. 305 00:12:46,548 --> 00:12:48,376 - The blood banquet awaits. - And it's my birthday. 306 00:12:51,814 --> 00:12:53,250 [quiet chatter, laughter] 307 00:12:53,294 --> 00:12:55,600 Do you happen to have any human food for my consort? 308 00:12:55,644 --> 00:12:57,211 She doesn't like blood, 309 00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:59,517 and she doesn't care much for grown-up food, either. 310 00:12:59,561 --> 00:13:02,433 Uh, Guillermo, do we have a-- Oh. 311 00:13:02,477 --> 00:13:04,305 - DOMINYKAS: Okay. - NADJA: Bon appétit. Your wish is my command. 312 00:13:04,348 --> 00:13:05,393 [laughing] 313 00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:07,787 There you go and voilà. 314 00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:10,093 -[gasps] - Chicken nuggies for the young lady 315 00:13:10,137 --> 00:13:12,139 with a side of spaghetti with only butter. 316 00:13:12,182 --> 00:13:15,446 -[retches] - Oh, my gosh. Okay, we need the name of your chef. 317 00:13:15,490 --> 00:13:16,534 Do you have any ranch? 318 00:13:16,578 --> 00:13:18,623 Ranch for the human consort! 319 00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:19,799 COCO: Oh, my God, she's loud. 320 00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:21,278 More blood, anyone? 321 00:13:21,322 --> 00:13:23,063 - May I? - Oh, of course. 322 00:13:23,106 --> 00:13:24,804 - That is what they're there for. - Oh, thank you. 323 00:13:24,847 --> 00:13:26,849 [grunting] 324 00:13:30,374 --> 00:13:33,377 Exquisite. [chuckles] 325 00:13:33,421 --> 00:13:35,205 You must try him, but just a sip 326 00:13:35,249 --> 00:13:36,337 - and pass him along. - Oh, yes. 327 00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:37,860 Thank you for sharing, Donal. 328 00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:40,820 I say, 329 00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:43,605 has everyone remembered to sign Colin Robinson's birthday card? 330 00:13:43,648 --> 00:13:45,085 [Nadja laughs nervously] 331 00:13:45,128 --> 00:13:46,913 You have all met my wonderful husband, Laszlo. 332 00:13:46,956 --> 00:13:48,349 [quietly]: Fuck off, Laszlo. 333 00:13:49,219 --> 00:13:52,962 So, where is your coleader? 334 00:13:53,006 --> 00:13:56,183 The famed Nandor The Relentless. 335 00:13:56,226 --> 00:13:59,839 Ah, um, good-- The Nandor, yes, um... 336 00:13:59,882 --> 00:14:02,754 Nandor was a threat to my power, 337 00:14:02,798 --> 00:14:07,020 so, uh, in order to run the council correctly, 338 00:14:07,063 --> 00:14:08,848 I, um... 339 00:14:08,891 --> 00:14:10,980 had no choice but to... [clears throat] 340 00:14:11,024 --> 00:14:12,416 kill him dead. 341 00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:14,027 - You what? -[gasping] 342 00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:15,811 GUIDE: Excuse me? 343 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:19,162 - Excellent work, Nadja. -[laughs nervously] 344 00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:21,556 - How deliciously cutthroat. - Huh. 345 00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:24,080 You got to do what you got to do and you did it. 346 00:14:24,124 --> 00:14:25,516 I cannot hate on that. 347 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:26,909 -[whooping] - Oh! 348 00:14:26,953 --> 00:14:28,955 [laughs]: I killed him. 349 00:14:28,998 --> 00:14:33,089 In order to pay our final respects to a vanquished foe, 350 00:14:33,133 --> 00:14:34,525 could we... 351 00:14:34,569 --> 00:14:37,398 see his body? 352 00:14:37,441 --> 00:14:39,922 - Fix it. - Okay. 353 00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:42,011 Nothing would make me happier 354 00:14:42,055 --> 00:14:45,362 than seeing the dead body of your vanquished foe. 355 00:14:45,406 --> 00:14:47,364 ♪ 356 00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:53,631 Master? Master? Master? 357 00:14:53,675 --> 00:14:55,329 -[creaking] - Master? 358 00:14:55,372 --> 00:14:56,765 You are kidding, right? 359 00:14:56,808 --> 00:14:58,027 I have been in Super Slumber for, what, 360 00:14:58,071 --> 00:14:59,550 20 minutes? Half an hour? 361 00:14:59,594 --> 00:15:01,248 - It's actually been two hours. - Oh, great. 362 00:15:01,291 --> 00:15:03,685 A nice two-hour-long Super Slumber. 363 00:15:03,728 --> 00:15:05,817 I've had orgasms that have lasted longer than that. 364 00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:07,210 - Really? - Yes! 365 00:15:07,254 --> 00:15:08,864 And it's not as pleasant as it might sound. 366 00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,474 Well, as you know, the delegation is here, and... 367 00:15:10,518 --> 00:15:12,259 - Get to the good bit. - Well, you need to pretend 368 00:15:12,302 --> 00:15:13,738 to be dead so the delegation can come see your dead body 369 00:15:13,782 --> 00:15:15,044 and make sure that you're actually dead. 370 00:15:15,088 --> 00:15:16,393 Why did you not just bring them in 371 00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:18,047 and show me in Super Slumber? 372 00:15:18,091 --> 00:15:20,223 A state that so closely resembles death 373 00:15:20,267 --> 00:15:21,746 no one would ever know the difference. 374 00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:23,139 Well, what if you accidentally woke up 375 00:15:23,183 --> 00:15:24,358 in the middle of them looking at your body? 376 00:15:24,401 --> 00:15:25,707 That's a good point, 377 00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:27,100 but I think the point I'd like to make 378 00:15:27,143 --> 00:15:28,666 in countering that point is: 379 00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:30,103 no one accidentally wakes up 380 00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:31,843 - from a Super Slumber! - Oh. 381 00:15:31,887 --> 00:15:33,933 Not unless you come in here and wake them up. 382 00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:36,283 - Okay, well now that's-- that makes-- that's clear. - Is it, though? 383 00:15:36,326 --> 00:15:38,676 Because it really seems like it's not quite sinking in. 384 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,896 So... can I... 385 00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,159 Yes, fine, just bring these dummies in 386 00:15:43,203 --> 00:15:44,987 and show them my dead body so we can get this over with, 387 00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:47,033 and I can finally commence my long overdue 388 00:15:47,076 --> 00:15:49,557 - and this time completely uninterrupted-- Hey! - NADJA: Guillermo? 389 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,385 CARMILLA: Yes, a dead body. 390 00:15:51,428 --> 00:15:54,127 NADJA: Guillermo? Is the body ready for viewing yet? 391 00:15:54,170 --> 00:15:56,738 - Yes, Mistress. It is. -[clearing throat] Okay. 392 00:15:56,781 --> 00:15:59,088 Everybody, come around. Please. 393 00:15:59,132 --> 00:16:00,872 We're going to take a very quick look 394 00:16:00,916 --> 00:16:02,265 'cause it is going to be very sad. 395 00:16:02,309 --> 00:16:03,919 - GUILLERMO: Very quick. - NADJA: Okay. 396 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,052 - DOMINYKAS: Front row seat. - Reveal the corpse. 397 00:16:06,095 --> 00:16:07,836 All right. 398 00:16:07,879 --> 00:16:10,404 - And there it is and that's enough. - And then we... 399 00:16:10,447 --> 00:16:14,147 It's just a very great loss for vampiredom. 400 00:16:14,190 --> 00:16:16,279 - Mm-hmm. - Very sad. 401 00:16:16,323 --> 00:16:18,325 He truly was one of the greats. 402 00:16:18,368 --> 00:16:20,544 Was he, though? Eh. 403 00:16:20,588 --> 00:16:24,548 As a warrior, yes, he was. 404 00:16:24,592 --> 00:16:28,465 As a vampire, he was... okay. 405 00:16:28,509 --> 00:16:30,641 Pretty good. 406 00:16:30,685 --> 00:16:32,339 The jury is still out on his legacy, I suppose. 407 00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:33,818 I don't disagree. 408 00:16:33,862 --> 00:16:37,083 Nandor The Relentless, we hardly knew ye. 409 00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:39,172 May he sleep well. 410 00:16:39,215 --> 00:16:40,347 - Yes. - You know, 411 00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:42,566 we grow so weary of eternal life, 412 00:16:42,610 --> 00:16:44,351 and yet when we come face-to-face with eternal death, 413 00:16:44,394 --> 00:16:46,614 it really makes you think about big things, doesn't it? 414 00:16:46,657 --> 00:16:48,529 CARMILLA: Yes, it does. 415 00:16:48,572 --> 00:16:50,748 Speaking of big things, 416 00:16:50,792 --> 00:16:53,273 I have heard that in addition to being 417 00:16:53,316 --> 00:16:56,232 a ferocious and merciless warrior, 418 00:16:56,276 --> 00:16:58,321 that Nandor The Relentless had... 419 00:16:58,365 --> 00:16:59,888 Yes! 420 00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:01,194 I have heard this as well. 421 00:17:01,237 --> 00:17:02,543 DONAL: Heard what? 422 00:17:02,586 --> 00:17:05,198 Oh, how to put this respectfully? 423 00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:09,376 Uh, it is said that he had one of the most impressive members 424 00:17:09,419 --> 00:17:11,073 - in all of vampiredom. -[Nadja scoffs] 425 00:17:11,117 --> 00:17:14,816 Both in length and in girth. 426 00:17:14,859 --> 00:17:16,209 - Well, that's true. - GUIDE: Is it? 427 00:17:16,252 --> 00:17:18,080 Um, I've heard-- I've also heard it said. 428 00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:20,430 -[clearing throat] - Shall we take a peek? 429 00:17:20,474 --> 00:17:21,866 Just for funsies? 430 00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:23,520 - Oh. - No. - Just for funsies. 431 00:17:23,564 --> 00:17:25,870 Oh, I-I think that would be very disrespectful. 432 00:17:25,914 --> 00:17:28,438 Dude is fucking dead. It's not like he's gonna care. 433 00:17:28,482 --> 00:17:30,005 I, too, want to see this massive dong 434 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,355 with my own peepers. 435 00:17:32,399 --> 00:17:34,705 Something to tell the grandkids about when I get home. 436 00:17:34,749 --> 00:17:37,969 Familiar, reveal his member. 437 00:17:38,013 --> 00:17:39,580 With all due respect, Contessa, 438 00:17:39,623 --> 00:17:40,885 - I'm not a familiar. -[growling] 439 00:17:40,929 --> 00:17:42,931 Reveal his member. 440 00:17:42,974 --> 00:17:44,454 [hissing] 441 00:17:44,498 --> 00:17:45,934 Of course. 442 00:17:45,977 --> 00:17:47,718 Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. 443 00:17:47,762 --> 00:17:49,372 As you wish, Contessa. 444 00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:50,460 Here you go. 445 00:17:51,418 --> 00:17:53,246 - Step aside. -[gasps] 446 00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:54,812 Hmm. 447 00:17:56,771 --> 00:17:59,295 - DONAL: Hmm. - DOMINYKAS: Well, there it is. 448 00:18:00,949 --> 00:18:02,472 Hmm. 449 00:18:02,516 --> 00:18:04,561 [exhales sharply] 450 00:18:05,519 --> 00:18:07,912 Huh. What do we think? 451 00:18:07,956 --> 00:18:10,567 It seems pretty average to me. 452 00:18:10,611 --> 00:18:14,049 Not substandard but... 453 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,225 nothing special, really. 454 00:18:16,269 --> 00:18:17,879 - Mm. - GUILLERMO: I-I also heard 455 00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:19,576 that he was more of a grower than a shower, so... 456 00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:21,100 I don't think so. 457 00:18:21,143 --> 00:18:23,145 Okay, well, we-we've done that now, so... 458 00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:25,147 Look, I am not saying it's small. 459 00:18:25,191 --> 00:18:27,410 No. No, it's not small. 460 00:18:27,454 --> 00:18:31,022 - No. - Maybe it was the density of the member 461 00:18:31,066 --> 00:18:33,329 that earned such acclaim. 462 00:18:33,373 --> 00:18:35,331 Oh, no. 463 00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:36,811 [clearing throat] 464 00:18:37,899 --> 00:18:39,857 Hmm. 465 00:18:41,729 --> 00:18:43,687 Anything of note? 466 00:18:43,731 --> 00:18:46,125 No, it seems to be of average weight, 467 00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:49,128 and, uh-- what's the word I'm looking for? 468 00:18:49,171 --> 00:18:50,172 Pliability? 469 00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:51,869 I guess so. It's not... 470 00:18:51,913 --> 00:18:53,523 Oh! "Wiggliness." 471 00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:57,484 Yeah, just seems like a standard mid-tier pecker to me. 472 00:18:57,527 --> 00:19:01,052 - Hmm. - Anyway, back to the blood banquet. 473 00:19:01,096 --> 00:19:03,229 - Is it this way? - Yes! Everybody this way, very quickly, come. 474 00:19:03,272 --> 00:19:04,491 [chuckles]: We don't want to... 475 00:19:04,534 --> 00:19:06,101 - CARMILLA: Thank you. -[sighs] 476 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,668 - Lovely to see. - DOMINYKAS: Well, that was... 477 00:19:07,711 --> 00:19:09,670 much ado about nothing. Is there a sanitizer? 478 00:19:09,713 --> 00:19:10,932 DONAL: Nandor could've benefited 479 00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:12,629 from just a touch of rigor mortis. 480 00:19:12,673 --> 00:19:14,588 Thank you for that, Guillermo. 481 00:19:14,631 --> 00:19:16,633 A wonderful send-off. 482 00:19:16,677 --> 00:19:18,461 Now close the fucking lid and get out of here. 483 00:19:18,505 --> 00:19:19,549 Yes, Master. 484 00:19:23,597 --> 00:19:25,686 So, now let us raise a glass of blood 485 00:19:25,729 --> 00:19:28,210 to our guests and to ourselves. 486 00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:30,560 Vampires now and vampires forever. 487 00:19:30,604 --> 00:19:32,475 -[laughing] - Vampires forever! 488 00:19:32,519 --> 00:19:34,085 Like we have a choice. 489 00:19:34,129 --> 00:19:36,087 Well said, my darling, well said. 490 00:19:36,131 --> 00:19:37,741 You are a tough act to follow. 491 00:19:37,785 --> 00:19:40,918 But indeed I must, for today is an auspicious day 492 00:19:40,962 --> 00:19:43,486 for a couple of reasons, one of which... 493 00:19:43,530 --> 00:19:45,880 we are joined by such esteemed vampires. 494 00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:48,230 The other happens to be the 100th birthday 495 00:19:48,274 --> 00:19:50,754 of our housemate, our friend, 496 00:19:50,798 --> 00:19:53,540 and the energy vampire, Colin Robinson. 497 00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:55,194 NADJA: Okay, why not? 498 00:19:55,237 --> 00:19:57,718 Yes, uh, let us raise a toast to Colin Robinson. 499 00:19:57,761 --> 00:19:59,328 [chuckles forcefully] Cheers. 500 00:19:59,372 --> 00:20:01,069 -[chuckles] So, if every... - LASZLO: I remember 501 00:20:01,112 --> 00:20:03,071 the first time I met Colin Robinson, 502 00:20:03,114 --> 00:20:06,857 I thought to myself, "How can one man be so fucking dull?" 503 00:20:06,901 --> 00:20:08,685 [Laszlo chuckles] 504 00:20:08,729 --> 00:20:10,383 It's true to say, 505 00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:12,515 he's left his mark on Staten Island. 506 00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:14,125 It's also true to say, 507 00:20:14,169 --> 00:20:18,086 he's left his mark on my heart. 508 00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:22,743 This is a wretched world that we find ourselves in-- 509 00:20:22,786 --> 00:20:25,049 full of cruel, disgusting people. 510 00:20:25,093 --> 00:20:28,009 His main crime was that he's dull. 511 00:20:28,052 --> 00:20:29,967 I don't even particularly like the fellow. 512 00:20:30,011 --> 00:20:31,534 I mean, I can't stand the man, 513 00:20:31,578 --> 00:20:35,756 but I'm proud to call him my friend. 514 00:20:35,799 --> 00:20:39,890 Please be upstanding for Colin Robinson. 515 00:20:39,934 --> 00:20:42,545 - Bravo! - And again, Colin Robinson. 516 00:20:42,589 --> 00:20:44,243 So, if you would like to make your way to the library, 517 00:20:44,286 --> 00:20:46,070 we have laid on a live fuck show. 518 00:20:46,114 --> 00:20:47,768 -[laughs] Yes, that's right. - CARMILLA: Ooh! 519 00:20:47,811 --> 00:20:49,683 You can take your clothes off on the way out. 520 00:20:49,726 --> 00:20:51,206 - GUIDE: Right this way. - NADJA: Yes. [chuckles] 521 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,121 DONAL: Live fuck show? 522 00:20:53,164 --> 00:20:54,731 What the fuck was that? 523 00:20:54,775 --> 00:20:56,777 No one even knows who Colin Robinson is, 524 00:20:56,820 --> 00:20:58,953 let alone gives a bloody piss about his birthday. 525 00:20:58,996 --> 00:21:01,608 - Why are you so obsessed with him at the moment? - My darling. 526 00:21:01,651 --> 00:21:04,306 - Colin Robinson is dying. - What?! 527 00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:05,655 GUILLERMO: What? 528 00:21:06,874 --> 00:21:09,311 Colin Robinson will be dead by sunrise. 529 00:21:09,355 --> 00:21:11,008 [Nadja gasps] 530 00:21:11,052 --> 00:21:12,271 LASZLO: There's nothing we can do about it. 531 00:21:12,314 --> 00:21:13,881 I've known for months. 532 00:21:14,882 --> 00:21:16,753 The very first time Colin and I were 533 00:21:16,797 --> 00:21:18,755 in the Vampiric Council Library, 534 00:21:18,799 --> 00:21:20,627 he began searching for information 535 00:21:20,670 --> 00:21:22,324 about energy vampires 536 00:21:22,368 --> 00:21:25,196 and how they're made and where he came from. 537 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:28,112 I knew there was a page or two on energy vampires 538 00:21:28,156 --> 00:21:31,899 in Edmund Wheelwright's Compendium Vampirium. 539 00:21:31,942 --> 00:21:33,553 But what I found shocked me. 540 00:21:33,596 --> 00:21:35,685 "Energy vampires," it said, 541 00:21:35,729 --> 00:21:40,342 "have a life expectancy of exactly 100 years." 542 00:21:40,386 --> 00:21:42,301 Why are you ripping that page out of that book? 543 00:21:42,344 --> 00:21:44,999 I'll wank my way and you wank yours. 544 00:21:45,042 --> 00:21:47,393 On their 100th birthday 545 00:21:47,436 --> 00:21:48,829 they expire. 546 00:21:50,265 --> 00:21:52,049 So, does Colin know? 547 00:21:52,093 --> 00:21:53,486 He doesn't. 548 00:21:53,529 --> 00:21:54,922 I haven't had the heart to tell him. 549 00:21:54,965 --> 00:21:57,403 And eventually, I realized, 550 00:21:57,446 --> 00:22:00,884 better for the poor bastard to not know at all. 551 00:22:00,928 --> 00:22:03,800 Better for me to show him a good time 552 00:22:03,844 --> 00:22:05,976 during his last months of life. 553 00:22:07,543 --> 00:22:08,849 [laughing] 554 00:22:08,892 --> 00:22:10,024 COLIN: Just the dudes. 555 00:22:10,067 --> 00:22:12,026 [grunts] 556 00:22:12,722 --> 00:22:13,984 [screaming] 557 00:22:14,028 --> 00:22:16,204 ♪ 558 00:22:18,511 --> 00:22:20,774 And I feel I succeeded, 559 00:22:20,817 --> 00:22:22,297 but I also feel this could be 560 00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:23,342 - the beginning of... - Uh... 561 00:22:23,385 --> 00:22:25,039 Hey, guys. 562 00:22:25,082 --> 00:22:28,042 I think I'm gonna pass on the... the fuck-and-suck show. 563 00:22:28,085 --> 00:22:29,826 I'm feeling a little funny tummy. 564 00:22:29,870 --> 00:22:33,526 I'm gonna 23 skidoo and lie down, take a nap. 565 00:22:33,569 --> 00:22:35,571 Party on, dudes. 566 00:22:36,572 --> 00:22:38,400 The dying has begun. 567 00:22:42,404 --> 00:22:43,753 -[flatulence] - LASZLO: Ooh. 568 00:22:43,797 --> 00:22:45,755 NADJA: Hello, Colin Robinson. 569 00:22:45,799 --> 00:22:47,148 -[chuckles softly] -[flatulence] 570 00:22:47,191 --> 00:22:48,932 - GUILLERMO: Hey, buddy. - Hey, dudes. 571 00:22:48,976 --> 00:22:52,849 Sorry I... I'm ruining my own birthday party. 572 00:22:52,893 --> 00:22:55,199 You know what, though? I feel like I'm rallying. 573 00:22:55,243 --> 00:22:56,853 Maybe we can have some birthday fun after all. 574 00:22:56,897 --> 00:22:59,203 Oh, no, no, don't exert yourself, 575 00:22:59,247 --> 00:23:01,075 - dear friend. -[Colin coughs] 576 00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:03,338 - No. -[flatulence] 577 00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:04,600 - Oh, okay. - GUILLERMO: Oh. 578 00:23:04,644 --> 00:23:06,689 [singsongy]: That awkward moment. 579 00:23:06,733 --> 00:23:08,996 No, it happens to the best of us, doesn't it, boys? 580 00:23:09,039 --> 00:23:11,433 You know? Is there anything we can get you? 581 00:23:11,477 --> 00:23:14,828 Can someone please fetch me a, uh, 582 00:23:14,871 --> 00:23:16,917 diet ginger ale for my funny tummy? 583 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:18,614 He'll do that, and in the meantime, 584 00:23:18,658 --> 00:23:20,660 I think you should just recall 585 00:23:20,703 --> 00:23:24,185 the last 100 years' worth of fun and friendship. 586 00:23:24,228 --> 00:23:25,839 Yeah, actually I kind of feel like 587 00:23:25,882 --> 00:23:29,016 the first 100 years of my life were wasted, so... 588 00:23:29,059 --> 00:23:30,713 -[flatulence] - Starting tomorrow, 589 00:23:30,757 --> 00:23:35,849 Colin Robinson's motto is "young, dumb and full of cum." 590 00:23:35,892 --> 00:23:38,199 Well, that sounds marvelous, and, um, 591 00:23:38,242 --> 00:23:40,288 if anyone else has anything to say, 592 00:23:40,331 --> 00:23:42,638 I would say now is the time to say it. 593 00:23:42,682 --> 00:23:44,466 GUILLERMO: Okay, Colin Robinson, 594 00:23:44,510 --> 00:23:45,989 I know that sometimes you... 595 00:23:46,033 --> 00:23:48,165 Did you fetch him the ginger ale for his tummy? 596 00:23:48,209 --> 00:23:50,516 - Can I speak? - Well, his stomach's not gonna repair itself, is it? 597 00:23:50,559 --> 00:23:53,475 - Can I just speak please? - Speak. 598 00:23:53,519 --> 00:23:55,651 Colin Robinson... 599 00:23:55,695 --> 00:23:58,611 - I know that we're not related, you and I or anyone. -[flatulence] 600 00:23:58,654 --> 00:24:01,265 -[sniffs] - He farted, not me. 601 00:24:01,309 --> 00:24:02,876 - Carry on. -[exhales sharply] 602 00:24:02,919 --> 00:24:04,399 -[groans] - And I was gonna say that 603 00:24:04,443 --> 00:24:05,748 we don't treat each other, sometimes, 604 00:24:05,792 --> 00:24:07,837 with the upmost respect or kindness, 605 00:24:07,881 --> 00:24:11,493 but in a weird way we're still a family. 606 00:24:11,537 --> 00:24:13,147 We're like a big family here. 607 00:24:13,190 --> 00:24:14,714 [flatulence continues] 608 00:24:14,757 --> 00:24:15,802 I'll be right back. 609 00:24:15,845 --> 00:24:17,499 Diet ginger ale. 610 00:24:17,543 --> 00:24:18,544 LASZLO: For his tummy. 611 00:24:18,587 --> 00:24:20,676 ♪ 612 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:21,982 [grunting] 613 00:24:26,682 --> 00:24:28,510 NANDOR: Hello, Guillermo. 614 00:24:28,554 --> 00:24:31,208 Did you bring more people to yank on my pee-pee? 615 00:24:31,252 --> 00:24:32,296 No, Master. 616 00:24:32,340 --> 00:24:34,429 [creaking] 617 00:24:34,473 --> 00:24:36,039 Colin Robinson is dying, 618 00:24:36,083 --> 00:24:38,477 and I figured we should all be together for that. 619 00:24:39,956 --> 00:24:41,915 [groans] 620 00:24:42,916 --> 00:24:44,657 [cries softly] 621 00:24:44,700 --> 00:24:46,397 Oh. 622 00:24:47,398 --> 00:24:50,140 You're too late. He's gone. 623 00:24:50,184 --> 00:24:52,665 - He's dead? - NADJA: Yes. 624 00:24:52,708 --> 00:24:56,407 He let out one last quiet fart, 625 00:24:56,451 --> 00:24:59,149 a gentle one, and then he expired. 626 00:24:59,193 --> 00:25:00,716 [whimpers] 627 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:02,979 You guys are really incredible, you know that? 628 00:25:03,023 --> 00:25:04,938 This fucking guy is not dead. 629 00:25:04,981 --> 00:25:06,548 Nandor, he's dead. 630 00:25:06,592 --> 00:25:08,332 Do you not remember the last time he was dead? 631 00:25:08,376 --> 00:25:11,161 When we dug his grave and we buried him in the ground, 632 00:25:11,205 --> 00:25:12,511 and it turned out he was faking it the whole time 633 00:25:12,554 --> 00:25:14,121 just to get attention. 634 00:25:14,164 --> 00:25:15,644 And that was like the fifth time we'd fallen 635 00:25:15,688 --> 00:25:17,690 for his, "Oh, I'm dead" thing. 636 00:25:17,733 --> 00:25:19,692 - Yes, well, this time it is real, Nandor. - Enough! 637 00:25:19,735 --> 00:25:21,084 Wake up, Colin Robinson. 638 00:25:21,128 --> 00:25:24,174 Hey! Wakey, wakey! 639 00:25:24,218 --> 00:25:25,828 Don't make me tickle you now. 640 00:25:25,872 --> 00:25:27,438 Tickle, tickle, tickle. 641 00:25:27,482 --> 00:25:28,962 Enough of this shit. 642 00:25:29,005 --> 00:25:30,485 Hey! 643 00:25:30,529 --> 00:25:31,747 -[Nadja gasps] - Oh! 644 00:25:33,662 --> 00:25:34,881 Uh-oh. 645 00:25:34,924 --> 00:25:36,360 Guess he wasn't faking it. 646 00:25:36,404 --> 00:25:40,147 Well, this is very sad. 647 00:25:41,931 --> 00:25:44,586 [Material's "Word of Advice" plays] 648 00:25:47,328 --> 00:25:52,115 ♪ If after having been exposed to someone's presence♪ 649 00:25:52,159 --> 00:25:55,728 ♪ You feel as if you've lost a quart of plasma♪ 650 00:25:55,771 --> 00:25:58,208 ♪ Avoid that presence♪ 651 00:25:58,252 --> 00:26:02,473 ♪ You need it like you need pernicious anemia♪ 652 00:26:02,517 --> 00:26:06,652 ♪ Don't like to hear the word vampire around here♪ 653 00:26:06,695 --> 00:26:10,960 ♪ Trying to improve our public image.♪ 654 00:26:11,004 --> 00:26:14,007 ♪ 655 00:26:34,810 --> 00:26:37,204 [LASZLO READING] 656 00:26:40,468 --> 00:26:44,037 [NANDOR READING] 657 00:26:47,954 --> 00:26:50,521 [NADJA READING] 658 00:26:54,003 --> 00:26:55,309 [GUILLERMO READING] 659 00:26:59,269 --> 00:27:00,662 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 660 00:27:05,058 --> 00:27:06,102 [EERIE MUSIC PLAYING] 661 00:27:06,146 --> 00:27:07,190 [WOMAN SCREAMS] 662 00:27:07,234 --> 00:27:08,278 WOMAN: We're not safe here. 663 00:27:10,193 --> 00:27:11,368 We don't really live in this world. 664 00:27:12,021 --> 00:27:13,022 We feed off of it. 665 00:27:14,023 --> 00:27:15,155 MAN: Aliens. 666 00:27:15,198 --> 00:27:16,547 Mother of God! 667 00:27:17,723 --> 00:27:19,333 How have you not gone insane? 668 00:27:20,639 --> 00:27:22,641 Once you sell your soul, it's gone. 669 00:27:23,163 --> 00:27:24,338 MAN: Boom! 670 00:27:24,381 --> 00:27:25,556 It's breaking all the rules. 671 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,036 [GASPS] 672 00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:28,124 And I'm here for that. 673 00:27:28,168 --> 00:27:29,299 [GLASS BREAKING] 674 00:27:29,343 --> 00:27:30,736 [EERIE MUSIC PLAYING] 675 00:27:34,696 --> 00:27:38,047 My name is B. J. Novak. I wanna tell you about this show I made. 676 00:27:38,091 --> 00:27:40,484 It's a completely different episode every time. 677 00:27:40,528 --> 00:27:41,616 - Pop culture. - Sex. 678 00:27:41,660 --> 00:27:42,704 MAN: Revenge. 679 00:27:42,748 --> 00:27:43,705 Here it is. Is that it? 680 00:27:44,445 --> 00:27:45,446 That's it. 681 00:27:50,886 --> 00:27:52,671 WOMAN 1: It happened pretty fast. 682 00:27:52,714 --> 00:27:54,411 WOMAN 2: The world has changed. 683 00:27:54,455 --> 00:27:55,978 WOMAN 3: His survivor's classified. 684 00:27:56,022 --> 00:27:57,545 Nobody can know about him. 685 00:27:59,460 --> 00:28:00,853 People are going to have to pick sides. 686 00:28:02,376 --> 00:28:03,986 I think it's going to get worse 687 00:28:04,030 --> 00:28:05,118 before it gets better. 688 00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:07,120 Run! 689 00:28:09,339 --> 00:28:10,645 I imagine that you attract 690 00:28:10,689 --> 00:28:11,951 quite a bit of attention. 691 00:28:11,994 --> 00:28:13,430 You know, more than before. That's for sure. 692 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:18,030 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0